Stuff Your Face or Face Your Stuff by Dorothy K. Breininger

Author:Dorothy K. Breininger
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Lose weight, declutter your life, banish emotional clutter, banish fears, banish failures, discard physical clutter, swap negative food-related habits for positive ones, establish a healthy relationship with food, take control of your stuff and declutter your way to your ideal size
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
Published: 2013-04-25T16:00:00+00:00

The next day I received a collect call from Bob—very confused and aggravated—no, I would say pissed off. A few minutes into our conversation, he realized I knew what he had done, and he became deeply apologetic about his actions from the night before. (I mean, really, what were his options?) How was he supposed to return and pay for his car rental and pay for and pick up his own car at the parking garage when he got into Los Angeles? How could he call his boss? How could he get into the house? (Well, honey, I guess you should have thought about that before you decided not to clean your room.) Ah yes! This “mysterious older man” was turning back into his sixteen-year-old immature self. For a fleeting moment, I had the guts to take action regarding this deceitful marriage and take care of myself.

This was also the beginning of my understanding about how I was not “facing my stuff” about my marriage, though I hadn’t yet connected the “stuffing my face” formula into the equation. My default mode, even during therapy, was to quell my anxiousness and pain with food, interspersed with manic and momentarily successful diets. I guess if I wanted to really get out of this marriage, something extreme would have to happen—like going to jail! I didn’t. But as you know, Bob did. But even then, the consequences of my not facing my stuff continued for years.

Current Research on Failures, Fears, and Anxieties

My esteemed colleague Gillian Drake watched me suffer and break through my fears and failures. After reading Dr. Carl Beuke’s article in Psychology Today (October 19, 2011), she summarized his work and asked the question: Are we simply high achievers or failure avoiders? Here’s the scoop:

Current psychological research shows that “success” results are not as dependent upon our intellect and abilities as we might think. There’s a reason why motivational speakers are so highly respected and sought after. It’s not so surprising that motivational drive is a key factor in high achievers, but what is somewhat intriguing is what those who are less successful are motivated by. Rather than being motivated by accomplishment and gratification, individuals who achieve less are motivated by the fear of failure: instead of playing to win, they are playing not to lose.

So how do the two different mind-sets impact overall results? High achievers are motivated to accomplish, consequently eager and willing to put forth intense effort over an extended period of time in the pursuit of their goals, doing whatever it takes. This includes planning the necessary steps, researching or learning necessary information they need, and exhibiting can-do, rise-to-the-challenge, whatever-it-takes-to-get-the-job-done, and won’t-be-defeated attitudes.

Alternatively, people who are motivated “not to fail” are only focused on protecting themselves from embarrassment and saving “face” in front of others because they fear only mediocre results. As a result they approach their goals from a less logical perspective, allowing themselves to feel overwhelmed, focusing on the negative, fearing that they may not make the grade, and worrying about what others will think if they are not perfect.

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